He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
