Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
