It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
