Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
