I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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