Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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