i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
