ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
