And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
