So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
