I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
