I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
