sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
