Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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