Sober January is a disaster.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize