This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
