Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize