should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
