oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
