I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
