everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
