you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
