Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
