u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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