halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
