come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
