i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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