actually, I'm a sock model
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
