She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
