Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
