You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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