I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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