just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
