i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
