i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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