I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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