my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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