He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
