Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
