Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
