this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize