I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
