that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
