yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can you bring me the toilet please
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I want is dick and wine.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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