Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
