She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
