Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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