tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
