can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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