so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
