I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
