I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize