You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
