I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
