Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
