the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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