Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize