we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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