She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
