hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
