Don't make out with my wife yet
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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