If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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