the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
