I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
