Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
