so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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