We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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