I want to make a zoo with you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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