At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
