I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
