my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
