So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
