GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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