Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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